Alone

My hat goes off to all you single parents.  I don't know how you do it or how your kids can turn out ok.  Because of Doug's current job he gets to travel around the world and I get to stay home with all of our children for weeks on end.  I would just like to point out the his "get" is a good one and mine is a not so nice one.  Anyway,  his recent activity has taken him to China for his second time.  This is a great experience for him to see other cultures and try to use is associate degree.  The children and I were home in the cold.  Did I mention that he is in southern China where the tropics are?  For some reason there were times during this experience that were harder than the other times he left.  Plainly said I miss my husband when he is gone.  I miss his voice.  I miss being able to look up and see him in the next room.  I miss just feeling his presence when he is here.  I miss his warm body in my bed.  It gets cold when my heater is gone and while I have small little bodies climbing in my bed they tend to kick, thrash, and scream in their sleep.  I miss the security of knowing I don't have to handle the catastrophes myself whether it is sick children or an intruder in my house (something I haven't had to deal with thankfully).  There are times at night that as I lay there in the state between sleep and awake that I swear I can feel him lie down next to me but when I turn no one is there.  You may think I'm crazy, but I know what I feel and it is his presence and warmth curling around me.  The days feel like weeks, the weeks like months, and the months like years.  The end never seems in sight and then suddenly he is home again and my world is right once more.

I applaud all those raising a family by yourself.  This is no easy job and I only know a little of how hard it is.  My longest alone time has been 5 weeks so far and it seems like forever.